Forgiving One Another
Our Pastoral Letters are presently looking at the various “one-another” passages in Scripture (see parts one and two here). This week, we’re going to look at perhaps the most difficult of the one another passages so far: forgiving one another.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Forgiveness In Real Life
Louis Silvie Zamperini lived an extraordinary life. In 1936, he competed in the Berlin Olympics, setting a lap record in the 5,000 meter race. Upon his return to the states, he was commissioned in the United States Army Air Forces as a lieutenant, serving as a bombardier on B-24 Liberators in the Pacific.
On a search and rescue mission in 1943, Zamperini’s plane experienced mechanical difficulties and crashed into the ocean. He and two crewmates survived the crash, but then were adrift at sea in a life raft for 47 days. The raft finally came ashore on the Marshall Islands, where Zamperini was immediately taken captive by the Japanese military.
Zamperini received particularly brutal treatment because of his fame as an American Olympian, and was regularly tortured and beaten, with the worst abuse coming from a man named Mutsuhiro Watanabe (known as “The Bird”). Zamperini would eventually be released in 1945 after nearly two years as a prisoner of war, but he suffered for many years with the effects of what he endured.
One of Zamperini’s greatest struggles following his captivity was to forgive those who tortured him. At night, Louis had terrible nightmares about his captors and during the day, he stewed in his anger at them, especially Watanabe. In 1949, Zamperini was converted to follow Christ, and realized he could not let unforgiveness and resentment linger, even despite the atrocities done to him. The next year he went to preach the Gospel in Japan at Sugamo Prison, where many war criminals were held. Many came to faith in Jesus Christ.
Louis knew there was one more person with whom he needed to share the message of Christ’s forgiveness: Mutsuhiro Watanabe. In 1998, Zamperini visited Japan once again and sought to meet with Watanabe, but Watanabe refused. Zamperini would not give up, writing Watanabe a letter in hopes that his former enemy might become his brother in Christ. Consider this stunning line Zamperini conveyed to the man who repeatedly beat him within an inch of life: “Love replaced the hate I had for you. Christ said, ‘Forgive your enemies and pray for them.’” Of all that Zamperini accomplished in his life, perhaps no feat was more challenging, costly, or honoring to God than his desire to forgive his enemy.
Drinking Poison
While our lives have looked very different from Zamperini’s, some of us have wrestled with the same hatred and resentment that he experienced. When left unchecked, such unforgiveness will ultimately destroy- not our enemies- but us. Holding on to anger and bitterness is like drinking poison in hopes that your enemy will die.
So how can we forgive others, even those who have committed atrocities against us? Or in more common cases, how can we simply forgive others who have rubbed us the wrong way, who have hurt our feelings, who have embarrassed us?
Regardless of the degree of the offense, the key to forgiveness is always the same: “forgive one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph 4:32). Paul knew very well that life together in the body of Christ, with its depth of intimacy and sometimes uncomfortably close proximity, can make us very prone to bitterness and resentment, the likes of which can divide and even destroy churches.
Forgive…as Christ has Forgiven You
Notice Paul’s wisdom here- he doesn’t merely say, “you need to forgive one another.” That would be cruel counsel because within our own souls, we do not have the capacity to forgive one another. That is why he says, “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” I want to highlight a few points about forgiveness Paul makes in this verse.
First, notice that forgiveness is an imperative. God does not give us a choice here, as though we can decide to forgive if we feel like it. Why not? Because we will never, ever feel like it on our own. Sometimes, as miserable as harboring unforgiveness can be, we like holding on to our anger. Like adding coals to a fire, when we keep our anger burning, we continue to feel justified in our unforgiveness. Perhaps we do so as a way of getting even, or sometimes we do it just to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. This can be particularly dangerous in the church, because we often look to others for reassurance that we’re justified in our anger. Gossip, slander, and all sorts of other unsavory things can enter in if we wait to forgive until we feel like it.
Forgiveness is a command, which means that if we harbor and will not forgive the sins (or perceived sins) of others, we ourselves are sinning against God. Such unrepentant sin is not only a harmful witness to other believers, but it will drain the life out of our relationship with God (which helps us understand Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:30, “do not quench the Spirit”). Forgiveness is an imperative. We must not wait until tomorrow to do it; we must start right now. After all, slow obedience is no obedience.
Yet in God’s kindness, what God commands us to do, He also gives His children grace to accomplish. This is the second thing I want you to see in this passage: Forgiveness is rooted in what Christ has accomplished for us.
Gospel grace reorients us: When I understand how overwhelmingly gracious God has been to me in the Gospel, forgiving the countless ways in which I have sinned against Him, it changes me. How can I profess to be forgiven by this holy God, and at the same time hold other people’s sins against them? If I do that, I am actually holding myself to a higher standard than God.
One of the most challenging parables our Lord ever told is ‘The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant’ in Matthew 18:21-35. Peter begins with the question, “how many times must I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Seven times?” Judaism in Peter’s day commonly taught that we must forgive those who wrong us up to three times, so Peter thought he had gone above and beyond by suggesting seven times. Our Lord responds, “seventy-seven times.” Jesus isn’t telling us to keep an account of how many times someone has wronged us so that on the 78th time, we can finally stop forgiving. He’s showing us that we must keep forgiving. Why? Because Christ has forgiven us immeasurably more than we could ever have to forgive anyone else. Because God has forgiven the worst in me, I can forgive the worst in others.
The parable that follows is simultaneously ridiculous and utterly realistic. A king who desires to put his accounts in order calls in an indebted servant who owes ten thousand talents. If we do some quick math, we find that would be at least a few billion dollars. What kind of king would be so generous to lend such an extraordinary amount? Even more stunning is that, when the man cannot pay the debt, the king forgives it! What a gracious king!
The parable quickly moves from the sublime to the ridiculous. That same servant who was released from his astronomical debt now becomes enraged at a fellow servant who owes him a few hundred denarii (around $20,000 in today’s currency). This was no small debt, but it was nothing when compared with the debt the king forgave him. And yet this servant refused to forgive his debtors, though he himself had gladly been forgiven.
It’s a ridiculous story by design. We can’t help but consider the hypocrisy of the man who was forgiven so much, yet refused to forgive others. We should then consider the hypocrisy of our own lives: How much has God forgiven me? More times than I can begin to count! Yet do I harbor unforgiveness against others?
When I really start to understand God’s grace in the deepest parts of my soul, it enables me to forgive others. How can I hold on to my anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness when God (who would be utterly just in holding those things against me) has laid them on His own Son for my sake?
When we acknowledge the extent of our forgiven debt in Christ alone, we are then empowered to humbly forgive others, especially in the Church. Consider this excellent quote by theologian Donald MacLeod (who went to be with the Lord just last year):
“I may be, I am, I must be, at peace with every member of the church universal because even their unconfessed violations of my rights have been expiated at the cross of Calvary. In God’s eyes, their sins are covered. My eyes, like his, must see not the offence, but the blood.”
Finally, there is a third point Paul is making in this verse: Forgiveness is not a one-time feeling but a lifetime commitment. Notice the tense of verse 32: Paul doesn’t say “forgive one another” but “forgiving one another.” The word for “forgiving” (charizomai in Greek) shows that this is not a one-time action, but the lifestyle of the Christian.
Most of us tend to think of forgiveness as a one-and-done event. It’s not. We may feel one day like we have forgiven someone, and the next day something triggers us and we’re suddenly seething with anger once again. Sometimes we have to forgive what someone has done to us again and again…and again.
When we say to someone, “I forgive you,” we’re not speaking of how we feel in that moment. We’re speaking of a lifetime commitment that, when I am reminded of what you did to me, I will not make you suffer. Forgiveness is a form of voluntary suffering. In forgiving, rather than retaliating, you make a choice to bear the cost. When we do that for one another, we are following closely in the footsteps of our Lord who chose to suffer for us. The more closely we cling to our Savior, the more we can forgive the sins of others. Likewise, when we do not walk closely with Christ, forgiving others will be impossible.
Ken Sande is an excellent author who has dealt extensively with the issue of forgiveness. I commend all of Ken’s writings to you, especially his book The Peacemaker. Of particular help to some of us may be Ken’s “Four Promises of Biblical Forgiveness”:
- “I will not dwell on this incident.”
- “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
- “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
- “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.” (In cases of abuse, forgiveness can and should include the establishment of safe boundaries for emotional and physical safety.)
We all know that, while forgiveness is the right thing to do, it’s not an easy thing to do. But you are not alone in this; Christ knows the cost of forgiveness, and He gladly assists those who seek His help. While you’re at it, pray for your enemies: It is hard to stay angry at someone if you are praying for them.
Dearest flock, I love you very much and I thank God that He has called us to “one another.”
Pastor Alex
